Sunday, July 5, 2009

The word "wull" is ridiculous.

People say "wull" when they think they're saying "well," but due to a variety circumstances are rendered unable to speak the word "well." These circumstances always without exception involve the effort of attempting to dig one's self out of a hole that is far too deep to ever successfully extricate one's self.

Sample use:
GIRLFRIEND: I found this cheap hair extension that is an entirely different color and much less classy than my hair extensions in your car. Why was it there?
SKEEZY CHEATING BOYFRIEND: Wull...

The word "wull" is absolutely never, under any circumstances, followed by a cogent point or a legitimate argument. When you say "wull," you most definitely have no defense and no point, and are merely participating in a token effort to not give up completely.

A situation that would never, ever happen:
EMPLOYER: Why are my office keys in a different place than they were yesterday?
EMPLOYEE: Wull, because I was cleaning your file cabinet to make it more effective!

A far more likely situation that has happened countless times:
EMPLOYER: Why do my records show countless Tiffany's purchases on your company credit card?
EMPLOYEE: Wull, I was...looking for a sock puppet...and I couldn't find the right kind...and I went to the bathroom...and my favorite magazine was in there.

As noted in the above sample use, "wull" is often followed by a chain of thoughts that have no clear connection to the questions asked by the accusing party. Those who use "wull" are not looking to answer a question logically and head-on. They will dance circles around the subject, but without any concise steps or discernable style. The circles they dance will be less of the Ballerina variety and more of the Drunk and Embarrassing Aunt Karen at the Family Picnic variety.

In conclusion, the use of the word "wull" is RIDICULOUS.

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